I’m not the best at picking out guys, I’ll admit. I’ve gotten hurt by pretty much all of them… I remember what the hurt felt like from everyone of them, but what I didn’t realize until I became a mom was that it wasn’t just hurting me…
My mom was right by my side though EVERY hurt I experienced. She was there through every trial I went through. When I cried, she did to.
16 year old me
When I was in my teenage years, I was dating someone who was very verbally abusive and he was always yelling at me. One day when we were in my room, he’d yelled at me and punched a hole in my wall and my mom was the first one in the room to threaten him.
I remember once shortly after I first moved out and into my own place, I was really having a hard time with a guy I was dating and just needed space, but he followed me for days. He followed me to work, was there when I got off and even followed me to friends houses. My mom said, “Just come over and stay here for a while, he won’t get past me.”
My adult life
About 5 years ago, I called my mom after I had gotten into a fight with my boyfriend at the time. I was telling her how ugly and unloved and just unnecessary I felt and she told me that I needed to get dressed and put my makeup on and she’d be there to pick me up.
My last relationship was a train wreck that literally shredded every good thing about me to pieces. This was the hardest relationship of mine for my mom to watch, but she was there from day one of it and still is even after I told him I wanted a divorce. She didn’t once tell me I was stupid for staying (even though I know she was thinking it), but she never left my side when bad things happened even though she knew they were going to happen.
My mom has seen the absolute worst of me. When I say worst, I mean like she wouldn’t let me drive and wanted to take me to the hospital kind of worst. She was there when I mentally wasn’t. She held me when I wanted to just die. She picked me up NUMEROUS times and didn’t let me just fall. She has been my rock in ALL of my hard times. She’s been my support in so many ways and still is…
One time when she was crying with me, I asked her why she was crying and she said, “Because my daughter is hurt and when you’re hurt, I hurt for you.” At the time I didn’t really get it, but now being a mom, it makes perfect sense.
I don’t think she really knows what it means to me to have the constant love and support that she’s given me. If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t be alive.
Love you Mama.