For as long as I can remember, I have been unhappy and I had many reasons…. I never blamed myself for my unhappiness, but now I realized that I am totally to blame because I chose to be unhappy. Yes, awful things happen to everyone and those things might make us sad or angry, but to continue on with those feelings instead of letting them go is entirely up to us.
I allowed others to control my happiness
I grew up very unhappy because of my little brother. He was the worst to grow up with. He was (and still is) very abusive. He hit me, lied to get me in trouble, stole and broke my things and even chased me around our kitchen table with a butcher knife. Being a little kid, it’s really hard to control our happiness in situations like this, but I chose to keep that unhappy feeling in my adult life when I could of just let it go because he is not in my life now.
I am known to fall for and stay with guys that are not right for me and treat me like garbage. I am also known for giving multiple chances to those who have hurt me over and over even though I am unhappy with the situation and person. I let it go so far that I lost my self esteem and my sense of self worth. I chose the path I chose and made myself unhappy instead of just letting go of what was hurting me. I chose to endure the pain and suffering and blamed my unhappiness on those who hurt me.
My happiness is my choice
I chose the paths in my life even though they were mentally killing me. I am to blame for my unhappiness because I did not rid my life of the negativity and toxic people. Yes, people do shitty things, unforgivable things, but that is something they HAVE to live with, you don’t because you can let it go and move on knowing you have a kind heart.
Happiness is a choice that you have to make and not depend on others to give you and that’s what I’ve been doing wrong all my life, but now I know that happiness comes from within and I choose to be happy no matter what.
A bit of advice
You should never let the fear of change or being alone keep you from making yourself happy. It never works out if you look for happiness in things other people. You need to have happiness in yourself. What I have learned from the choices I made was how strong of a person I actually am and how I don’t need someone to make me happy.