My Mormon horror stories

This is not a post to bash anyone who is Mormon. This is simply my experiences with this religion. I don’t judge anyone for their religious views. That’s not my place.

I was raised in the Mormon religion. My mom started taking us when we were young. She grew up Mormon as well. My mom’s side of the family are mostly Mormon.
I never really liked going to church. Except for when they had food or did fun activities. Three hours of church is just too long in my opinion. The first hour was for sacrament meeting which was everyone combined. The second hour was divided by age and the third hour was divided by sex. I never understood the point of the division because they taught the same thing in every class…

I always felt so uncomfortable and out of place. You shouldn’t feel that way in church, right? I have some stories about just how uncomfortable I felt. Here are my Mormon horror stories.

Pioneer Trek

When I was like 14, I was forced to go on this pioneer trek where we act like pioneers and and pull wagons in families. The worst part about this was, it was summer time and we were in the direct sun, wearing long skirts and bonnets (Guys wore long pants and long sleeved shirts) pulling wagons filled with camping stuff. I remember almost passing out because of the heat. The leaders of the group selected the families and he put me in a group with people that weren’t my friends. When we reached our camp ground, we pitched our tents and set everything up. I went in the tent to take my long ankle length skirt off and put shorts on and when I walked out of the tent, a leader saw me and demanded that I go back in the tent and put the skirt back on because the shorts I had on were not modest (They were shorts that went past my knees) I told her that was over heated and she told me that she didn’t care, so I stayed in my tent the rest of the night while everyone played games. I was made feel bad about wanting to not be hot.

Meetings with the bishop

So in the Mormon church, the bishop is the one who is the head of the one specific ward. When you become a certain age, you start having meetings with the bishop. I believe like every 3 or 6 months. Kind of like a check up to see if you are worthy and sinning. Well, I had my share of meetings with the bishops. When I was going to church, I had two different bishops, one of which was the nicest man and never made me feel uncomfortable, but the other one did. In these meetings I had with him, all of which I always felt uncomfortable and afraid that I was going to hell because I am not perfect. He asked me a lot of inappropriate questions… Like, “Do you know what masturbation is? Have you masturbated? Have you had sex with another man or woman? Are you attracted to the same sex?” Guys, I was asked these questions before I was 16 years old. Under no circumstance is it okay for an older man to ask a young girl these kinds of questions. It’s none of ANYONE’S business. It’s a natural human thing to have these urges.

Pressuring you into things using guilt

When I was younger, probably from like the age of 12 to about 17, I was terrified of public speaking. I hated reading out loud in front of anyone. The leaders of my church would always ask me to give talks in church and I would always turn them down because I was terrified of doing so. It literally made me sick because of the severe anxiety I would get. One time when I turned down giving a talk, the leader said to me, “You know, God prompted me to ask you to give a talk, so you should do it.” I literally felt so guilty for saying no and felt like everyone looked down on me for it. I was made to feel like because I said no, that I should feel bad, even though I was utterly terrified of public speaking and couldn’t help it.

It’s a sin to be who you are

Another thing that really bothered me about this church was how they taught us that being gay was a sin. I never understood this at all. One who is truly gay or bisexual doesn’t choose to be that way, it’s just who they are. The reason this has always made me uncomfortable was because as long as I can remember, I’ve been interested in both sexes. I remember when I was young, probably like around 10 or 11, I noticed girls in the way that I was told I should notice only guys when I was old enough. My first kiss was actually with a girl. My first sexual act was also with a girl. I didn’t choose to have these feelings, they were just there.It’s who I am, but I always felt guilty. I was told that if I had these feelings towards the same sex as me, that I needed to speak with the bishop and repent. Repent for what? Being who I am?

Always felt uncomfortable

I don’t ever remember of time where I felt comfortable. I always dreaded going to church. A lot of the people I met in Church were fake and their acts completely contradicted what they preached on Sundays. I was always forced to read out loud even though I told everyone that I had a fear of public speaking. I was always forced to participate in activities that I didn’t find fun. I was forced to read the bible and the book of mormon. There was a lot of forcing in this church and a lot of manipulation. A lot of the lessons terrified me. One in particular gave me feelings of fear the most. It was about going to the highest kingdom of heaven. They made a lot of people feel like they had to be perfect or damn near perfect to be able to go to the highest kingdom and be with God and your loved ones after you die.

A lot of fear and manipulation

In my opinion, the Mormon church was created as a form of control. That religion has a lot of rules and a lot of things that are considered sins. They say that judging is a sin, but what they do most is judge and make you feel like you have to live your life a certain way or you aren’t going to heaven. A few months ago, I resigned from the religion (I stopped going years ago) because I found out that they get tax breaks off of every person who is a member on record. I also found out that the tithing money that we had to pay because it’s a sin if you don’t, does not go to what I thought it did and what they say it did. It goes to pay the prophets and leaders of the church. A lot of evil things go on in this religion and a lot of people don’t see it, that’s where the fear and manipulation comes in. People are too scared to see what really is going on. God (If there is one) would not want anyone feeling like I felt being a member of this church.

Being Mormon has caused me a lot of anxiety

I use to sit up at night worrying if I was going to heaven. Worrying if I was a good person and if God really loved me. I wondered what was wrong with me for liking girls. I feared a lot at a very young age. Just recently, like maybe a few months ago, I had this dream… A dream that I actually woke up crying from. It scared me. It wasn’t a dream where I was being chased or someone was trying to kill me… It was a dream where God appeared out of a big white door that ascended from above. When he walked out of this door, I kneeled before him with my face on the ground. I felt so much fear in that dream. Not happiness, pure and utter fear. Fear that I wasn’t going to heaven because I had a tattoo and liked girls. I woke up with tears on my cheeks.

Are you an ex Mormon and have horror stories that you need to talk about? Feel free to comment below or if you aren’t comfortable with it being public, email me directly and you can talk to me about it.

I am an ex Mormon who now is boss at public speaking because no one outside the church forced me to do it. I am an ex Mormon who has tattoos and piercings. I am an ex Mormon who swears like a sailor and drinks alcohol. I am an ex Mormon who has been bisexual her whole life.I am an ex Mormon who is a good person and doesn’t need religion to determine that.

5 thoughts on “My Mormon horror stories

  1. Wow – good for you on quitting. I just finished reading Educated and what an education I got and now your post. I am glad that you broke the chain of dysfunction for your own. Thank you for enlightening us. xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow. I recently read Educated and it feels like I am reading it again with your post. Religion played a big role in my life when I was a child and grew up with my grandparents but going back to my parents it just wasn’t a big deal. Now my parents are getting old it seems like they are going crazy with religion going church and fasting every week and talking to me about what is good and bad in the church’s opinion
    I refused to have my daughter christened. If she wants to follow a religion or another I want it to come from her

    Liked by 1 person

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