Here’s what I mean by this post. Have you ever felt like you weren’t someone’s or anyone’s person that they thought of first or even second? I’ve felt like this most of my life. I was never the person that anyone thought of for anything really. In high school, I was never one of those people who ever got anything on their birthday from their friends to carry around school. I was never the one that someone thought of to send a Valentine’s flower to in school, but all my friends got one from their friends. I was just never thought of to do anything for in high school like most of
my friends the people I knew were.
After high school was pretty much the same. I still wasn’t really ever thought of first or even second. I had a friend who was getting married and I wasn’t asked to be one of her bridesmaids. Why this hurt so much was because her and I were best friends since middle school and did a lot together. When it came to me or her other friends, I was never chosen. I always tried to tell myself that there was a logical explanation for her not asking me to be one of her bridesmaids, and other’s told me the same thing, but when I asked her why she didn’t ask me, her answer was, “Because I already had too many…”
There will be times where I see on social media that my family members are going to dinner or a concert or just somewhere and I don’t even get thought of to invite. I’m not even thought of for important things sometimes when it comes to my family.
I would like to think there are logical explanations for being treated this way, but still to this day as a grown adult, it still happens. I still rarely get invited to Dinner, or a concert. I am never thought of randomally for an act of kindness. It’s kind of like I am just there and not anyone’s person if that makes sense. I’m just rarely ever thought of it feels like, except by those very few, and I am talking very few as in I can count on less than one hand, who think of me.
The worst part about all this is, I do these things for the people I care about. I think to invite anyone that I’ve called a friend to lunch or to an event. I think of making people happy and get them something for their birthday just so they feel like they are someone’s person. I’m the kind of person who will go all out for someone’s birthday. I do these things for the people I care about and always have but most of these people I’ve done these things for, don’t do it for me.
If you feel like this, just know that you aren’t alone and we’re in this boat together. We can be each other’s people.
I’m feeling down this week.