SUNDAY SARCASM: My 5 year old hates my sarcasm.

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Are you guys seriously still with me? Wow. You like me, you really like me. I know I’ve been more on the serious side with my posts lately, but I’m here to tell you that the sarcastic, no filtered Mama that you all know and love is still here. Funny thing is though, I’m sarcastic everyday, not so much on here lately. Things are going to change round here!
The topic today is my 5 year old step daughter and my sarcasm. So, we all know that most 5 year old’s ask all kinds of questions. Some questions are questions that an adult doesn’t ask unless they want a sarcastic answer in return. Well… me being the sarcastic individual that I am, when I hear these kinds of questions, from 5 year old’s or not, my natural instinct is to be sarcastic. Here is a list of sarcastic responses I’ve given in reply to my step daughters questions.

ONE:

Lanaia: Ona? Do we go to bed in the night time?
Me: Don’t you go to bed every night?
Lanaia: Yeah, but are we going to go to bed in the night time tonight.
Me: Ummm… Nope! You’re going to bed right now. (It was like 4 in the evening.)
Lanaia: Noooo!! *Puts head down in sadness like I just killed her cat.*

TWO:

Me: Averie, Lanaia, you want to go with me somewhere with me?
Girls: Yeah!!!
As I go to change Averie and get her ready, Lanaia comes up to me with a sad face…
Lanaia: I want to go too! *In a whiny tone*
Me: Didn’t I already ask you if you want to go?
Lanaia: Yeah…
Me: Then why are you whining about it when I already said you could go with me!
Lanaia: *Bouncing her body up and down in a 5 year old fit.* Butttttt I wannaaaaa go with you!!! (At this point she starts to really cry
.)
Me: Ughh! Nope! Now, you have to stay here by yourself.
Lanaia: *cries louder…*
I mean, how do you not be sarcastic in this situation when you’ve already told her more than once that she can go?

THREE:

Lanaia: I’m hungry!
Me: Okay, I’ll be making you guys spaghetti in a few minutes.
5 minutes later…
Lanaia: Are you making us dinner? (As she’s literally watching me put the spaghetti in the pot…)
Me: Yes, I am. I already told you that.
Lanaia: Yeah… you did…
10 minutes later…
Lanaia: Do I get to eat spaghetti too?
Me: OMG! What did I tell you already?
Lanaia: *Stares at me with a blank expression*
Me: Now you get to eat dog food.
Lanaia: But I don’t like dog food!! It’s for for people! *Starts to cry.*

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FOUR:

It’s like 7pm and it’s shower time for the girls.
Me: Girls, it’s shower time!
Lanaia: We has to take a shower when we’re dirty, right?
Me: Um noooo… You have to stay dirty forever. No more showers for you.
Lanaia: *Looks at me like I make no sense.* But I want to take a shower…
Me: Lanaia, why do you ask me questions like that?
Lanaia: Because I’m suppose to, I’m 4. (At this time, she was sill 4.)
Me: Well, I can’t even argue with that..

FIVE:

One day, her and Averie were being so hyper and loud, bouncing around and basically acting like monkeys.
Me: You monkeys need to calm down.
Averie: Monkey…? Oooh oooh, ahh ahh!
Me: I’m going to drop you guys off at the zoo to live with the other monkeys.
Lanaia: NO! I don’t want to live there!
She then starts to seriously cry like I beat her or something…

Me: *Just stares at her.*
Averie to Lanaia: What’s wrong, monkey? Why you crying monkey? (Averie thinks She’s joking.)
Lanaia: Averie! Stop! You’re being mean!
Me: You can’t be serious right now, Lanaia! Averie is kidding with you because she thinks you’re kidding. You are acting like a baby.
Lanaia: *She hits me with her little metal purse on my knee.* STOP IT!
Me: Since you think it’s okay to hit, now I’m going to give your purse to a monkey and you really get to go live with the monkeys at the zoo now.
Lanaia: *Balls hysterically.*

It’s so hard to not be sarcastic with this girl. I mean, a lot of the stuff that comes out of her mouth asks for sarcasm. LOL. I sound like the worlds meanest step mom ever, right? Her mom teases her worse than I do, because seriously, it’s easy, entertaining and she asks for it. LOL. Half the time she just doesn’t listen to the words that come from our mouths and just automatically thinks we aren’t going to feed her or would actually give her away or something. If y’all ever get offended over my sarcasm, just remember, no one gets more offended than my step daughter.

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