In a previous post, I talked about what it’s like for me as a mom to have anxiety… Well, anxiety affects more than just my life as a mom… it affects my friendships and the ability to make friends as well. Anxiety has the power to kill friendships… It can make you distant from your friends to the point where you can feel that friendship slowly slipping away.
Dear Best friend,
Yes, I’m alive. No, I’m not alright. I know I haven’t called you in a while. I know it seems like I’m letting our friendship expire, and I know I haven’t really been a good friend to you lately, but please know, I’m trying. I’m trying to function in everyday life with the anxiety that I carry. I’m trying to keep myself together when all I want to do is disappear. I’m trying to keep that connection with you and I even when my anxiety tells me over and over that you’ve already given up me. I’m trying to control my anxiety and when it tells me that you have no genuine interest in me or my life. I have to battle my own brain everyday just to get out of bed, so be patient with me and understand that this battle of mine is one unlike any I’ve ever had.
Trust me when I say this… I have not forgotten about you. In fact, I think about you and our friendship daily. You mean a great deal to me even thought my anxiety makes it seem like the opposite.
Your friend who is battling
a mental illness that is
trying to break her.
I’m a pretty outgoing person and can strike up a conversation with just about anyone… but the chances of it going further than just a conversation, you know, a friendship, are slim. I have an ongoing thing where I tell everyone ” I hate people”, and that’s why I don’t have friends, when really, anxiety hates people and doesn’t want me to have any friends. My anxiety tells me that new friends won’t understand you, won’t want to deal with the baggage that you carry, and will just end up walking away anyways. Obviously this has a huge negative impact on my social life.
If you know someone or are friends with someone who suffers from anxiety, please, reach out to them. Call them. Invite them out. Let them know that you aren’t going anywhere, but most importantly, be understanding of the battle they are fighting, because it’s a difficult one.
Thank you to those of you have done this for me. it means a lot.