As everyone may already know, I lost a 24 year long friend just recently. No, she didn’t die but our friendship did.
She knew me inside and out. She knew everything about me and my life and boy did she use that to her evil advantage. She knew exactly how to hurt me because I trusted her with the tools to do so. Why wouldn’t I though? She was suppose to be my life long best friend. She was suppose was suppose to be the one who stood by me through thick and thin, not betray me. This girl more than just betrayed me, she shattered me. I became extremely depressed and then angry. I walked around with tension and resentment even though she was no where near me anymore. She was still affecting me even though she was out of my life. My negative attitude because of her was starting to affect my daughter. My daughter could sense my anger sadness. I had to quit letting her affect me. I can’t change what happened and our friendship isn’t fixable, so why dwell on it?
It took a while for me to understand this. It took multiple people and a specific faceboo post for that to click in my head. “why dwell on something I can’t change or fix?” I’m not going to give her that satisfaction anymore. She did what she did and hurt me, why let the hurt continue? Besides, if she did what she did in the first place and was okay betraying her “best friend” ,
then her life is far more miserable than mine, right?
The post I saw on facebook really helped me. It was steps on how to leave your past and anger in the past.
It’s a 4 step guide. Here it is summarized.
Step one: See the story that’s hurting you.
Step two: Stay with the physical feeling.
Step three: Breath out, letting go.
Step four: Turn with gratitude towards the present.
If you’d like to read the full guide, the link is below.
Losing a friend is hard, especially one of 24 years. I will never understand why she did what she did to me and so easily. I will never understand why she was so willing to throw 24 years of friendship out the window. I tried to help her. I tried to be there for her through her dark times and all she did was cause me more dark times and sadness in my life. I don’t know how any human could treat another this way; so cold heartedly. Selfish people.
I will no longer allow someone who has no standards, morals or doesn’t know the true meaning of friendship affect me anymore. Their life is far worse than mine ever could be. I know what true friendship is. I know what standards are, and trust me, I have them. I also know I have a heart. I know that I can take care of myself and not have to rely on anyone. I know what real adult life is.
One day I hope, for your sake, that you know what it’s like to have to do things on your own and not have someone to always make excuses for your senseless and heartless actions. Otherwise, you’ll always be a useless part of society. I hope you find your peace or whatever it is your messed up brain needs to function like an actual adult.
Now, this is the past and that is where it shall stay.